Turning over in my hand a gift from my child this morning, I found myself in a puddle of awe. The gift bears across it the words, "Life is short. But love is eternal."

In the years after I was diagnosed with cancer, both of my precious kids were wrecked. Autoimmunity (which presents in women far more often than men - it's about 80% of us- for a myriad of reasons you might understand) took over my body once it found the cancer - and, from their perspective it also looked like it might take over my life. It didn't. And, almost eight years later I'm left with quite a bit of ground-shifted including some grief-filled gifts.

One of these residual gifts is that my children don't take much for granted. Occasionally, they do because they are kids and human. And yet, they are also well-acquainted with the underworld, a constant potentiality of death because of this initiation and how my body has been re-wired. I grieved for a long while that they have seen me at my worst. That was, until I landed on this tender wisdom of what they have have also received.

I guess I would call this the "good" in grief.

I am personally deeply grateful for the lessons of melanoma, even as I wish it never resided within the same container as my soul.

A year ago, I could not say this.

People would often tell me to look for the silver lining or share their own, but I did not see one.

I think what has now changed is how in tune I've become with my nervous system. The flight response in my cells has dimmed and continues to morph its way toward a more healed existence. I can see what good has come from such terrible things. I can see the good in them sometimes, too.

This weekend, as we made grief mandalas for mother's day, I was struck by how much good does continue on after the most horrific experiences of our lives.

The stories told are not mine to share, and they have seeded themselves in my soul.

the good in grief, a poem

do not remain
bogged down
by the moment, the hour, the day
the experience of grief, alone
this is not your story
instead, remember -
reunite and reacquaint
your own soul
with the good that has lingered
the before
or the after
quite possibly, both
for darling
I am certain, so certain
good nor God leaves us alone
to make sense of the dark

May your good stories be sewn into your souls, beloveds. May the memories of what has sustained you be greater than all you have not been able to make sense of in the dark.